General Hospital: Stop the violence

Dear General Hospital,

First of all, I’m a little embarrassed to be writing you. How am I still invested in your well-being? Why am I still watching you at your worst?

Because you used to be so, so good. Like Lost good–addictive, well-written, with characters you rooted for and invested in. (For example, I sobbed during last week’s episode when (just in case–SPOILER ALERT!) Sun went to Jin’s grave with their baby. I’m hoping like you wouldn’t believe that he’s really stranded on the island and they’re faking his death. But I digress…)

You know, soap operas like you get a bad rap. Probably because your characters tend to have evil twins, return from the dead (even when they’ve had their organs given away after they flatlined), suffer from amnesia, date their cousins, etc. I don’t mind it–they’re staples of the genre.

But what irks me about when people rag on daytime soaps is that when done right, they can be truly great. At their best, they focus on the characters and their rich, intertwined histories, pay attention to continuity between years and even decades of episodes, and show a fearlessness in tackling controversial subjects. It shouldn’t go unnoticed that these same qualities are what make current primetime faves like Lost, Heroes and Grey’s Anatomy so popular with viewers and heavily debated and dissected on message boards.

So back to you, GH. You were once amazing, and now you’re a mess. I don’t even know where to start. Okay I do: Sonny Corinthos.

Here’s a guy who was once a part of the hottest love triangles on TV ever. Sure, he was a mob boss, but he and and Brenda had just awesome chemistry, and he seemed mostly a good person, so I didn’t care that much. Ten years later, he’s barely a hero, let alone a romantic hero.

Basically, Sonny is supposed to be daytime’s Tony Soprano. But unlike Sonny, Tony had at least a bit of self-awareness and likability. A quick breakdown on what he’s been up to the past few weeks:

-His son Michael bought a gun and bullets, and then dropped the gun and accidentally ended up shooting Sonny’s girlfriend.

-The son thinks he killed the girlfriend, and because he was raised so well, doesn’t bother to call 911, just runs away because Sonny said that if he ever found him with a gun, he should “run and keep running.” So he did.

-Sonny thinks a rival mob family shot his girl and kidnapped his boy, so he kidnaps the son of the crazy head of the family and holds him in some abandoned psych hospital (because all soap towns should have at least one), and continues to hold him there even after his loyal hitman tries to reason with him that this mob family had nothing to do with it, and that there’s growing evidence of a connection between Michael disappearing and Kate getting shot.

-While his son is missing, Sonny spends lots of time hanging out with his girlfriend in the hospital, reminiscing about their high school days, and gives her an ugly hat as a “sorry you were shot because of me but I still want a future with you” gift. I swear if anyone just tuned randomly into one of their scenes, they would think Sonny didn’t have a care in the world.

I won’t go on, because you know how crappy your plotting it is. But even you have to read that and shake your head in disbelief. Because the violence that you’ve been airing is out of control. I’m tired of serial killers, mob wars, random explosions, hit and runs, miscarriages, pistol whippings, hostage takings and monkey viruses. Reading back what I wrote, the fact I tuned into watch all of the above now seems masochistic.

Instead of blowing money on CGI “special” effects so we can see a building explode, use it to bring back the Nurses Ball. And Lucy Coe. Just those two things alone would brighten up this show considerably. And if you insist on killing off characters once a month, instead of offing the doctor or sweet college student or cute cop or an unborn child, why not the people who perpetrate the violence but never directly deal with the consequences?

Because I’m super close to stop watching you. It’s just not worth my time to watch an episode looking for potential of your past glory days. Especially when a lot of your old shows are now on YouTube. And I just received Friday Night Lights from Netflix.

So get it together. It’s not like your ratings are improving anyway, so what do you have to lose by bringing some fun back to the show?

Thanks,

PCD

Friday Night Lights: I’m sorry for not watching

Dear Friday Night Lights,

I just learned via TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello that you are are perilously on the bubble after your season finale pulled in a low rating. And your fans are being urged to tell friends, family, co-workers, strangers, and alien life forms to watch the show to try to eke out another season from NBC, since head honcho Ben Silverman is being such an ass about bringing you back.

I’m probably one of those people you really want to watch. I’ve heard what a stellar series you are, and I know I would love you. After all, I loved My So-Called Life (which I wrote about here) and Freaks and Geeks–shows that were your predecessors in artfully depicting something painful, beautiful and real about teenagers and parents, families and friendship.

And yet I’ve never seen a single one of your episodes.

Why? Because I’m addicted to good TV. I just don’t watch a show and call it a night. I have to read all the recaps, criticism and interviews too. And I’ve already invested too much time into Lost and The Office and How I Met Your Mother and (until recently) Grey’s Anatomy and and lots of other shows it would be boring to list here. And I knew you’d be so entertaining and excellent that I would end up a spending a good chunk of time on you too. (After all, like the title of this blog says, I’m on a pop culture diet.)

By the way, you weren’t the only one I avoided. I made a concerted decision to not watch Heroes, despite all the buzz it generated before it premiered. And I’ve never regretted not watching that show (I’ve heard the dialogue and plot can be clunky, and a few of the actors are not so good at, um, acting).

But you’re a different story. It seems like you deserved high Nielsen ratings and awards show accolades. And now that you’re inching towards the “Brilliant Yet Canceled” TV graveyard, I feel somehow responsible.

Which brings me to this: I’ve decided to reconsider and make time for you via DVD. I know it might be too little, too late. But it’s the least I can do.

So good luck! I hope you get a third season, Emmy nominations and a better lead-in than 1 Vs. 100.

With affection and apologies,

PCD